its been 2 days since i last posted.
i dont whether i am trying to hide derh previous anot. it jus seems,
i want everyone to get it clear. tis few days, jus leave me alone.
it doesn't matters wat derh tinq is, it jus matters about derh pain.
it doesn't matters about how it is, it jus matters about how it is said or done.

derh simplest thinqs, yet could be derh most sadness thinqs.
watever fuck~ hmm.. since ytd nvr post,
jiu talk bout 1st bahs. since recently, lots of bad thinqs jus happen..

Yesterday
forget wat happen at skool liaos. but quite ok lahs.. jus.... nvm..
at skool got sectionals, letitia got go :D
sectionals strted with me, letitia & ying chui. quite sian lahs.
we go band rm set up instru, but less den 5 mins, we go to swinq there liaos.
cos we are lyk damm extra with derh seniors.. hahs..
den we are sittinq at derh table, near derh swinq there, fa dai??
we are so damm quiet... cos, we know.
aft awhile, strted donq homework? letitia was readinq comics,
& i pract my clarinet lorhs~ aft awhile ruby came, teach national athem.
learn learn~ aft awhile she wan me study xD so do abit of maths,
den jiu stuck liaos. dont know how do -.-
dat is derh reason why, everytime i look at derh books, i felt pathetic.
i am stuck everytime, i cant solved derh questions. i felt so stupid..

aft awhile strt practisinq national athem aqain. pract pract other sonqs too~
aft dat ruby go liaos~ den we pract our own. play pomp pomp :D which is P&C.
LOL, i call it pomp pomp xD LOL. aft dat hui yu and jia jia come liaos.
den we strted doinq smt, which i am not gonna say, if not we will be KILLED.
lol. AND DAMM FUN LAHS! esp see letitia play ____!! xD her face is lyk, TOOT!!
LOL!!!! laugh until lyk siao dat time..
aft dat pack up and go home liaos. once aqain, i am alone.

sectionals cheered me up. my mood was at derh lowest, yet sectionals,
could brinq at least some of it up. thx friends. thx.
laughters, smiles, fun, happiness is wat i wanted now.
but all of it, seems to be far away from me now.
i want to reach for them, but it jus seems lyk going further & further away.
will i be able to reach it soon?? will i??
but seems lyk, derh unhappiness is cominq closer.
cos, i know. no one knows how i am feelinq rite now, cos i told no one bout it.
dats why, derh worse will keep cominq, cos they dont know how i feel rite now..

Today
today skool~~ 1st 3 periods, D&T. go to computer lab~
teacher talk talk until very sian~ but at least better den the other group xD
give us so many homework DD; plus i hate drawinq -.- wth..
aft dat is EL, received new books aqain. 'Secret Heart' haven read yet,
but seems quite nice.. watever~

& btw, shu lao shi come dat time. WTF. MY CHINESE FAIL MEHS??
WHY MUS IO GO FOR DERH ENRICHMENT?? AND ONLY A FEW GIRLS SIA. fuck..
aft dat is recess, damm bad mood.
eat eat eat, den at one time, i knocked onto derh table. wtf.
was damm fucking pain lahs, almost cried -.-

once i cant endure derh pain bout smt,
every sadness which i have been endurinq will pour out.
i dont know why. its lyk dat everytime. dat is why, if i have been endurinq,
and one day, smt worse happen, & i break. everythinq, EVERYTHING will be poured out.
i cant stop lerh den, cos, everythinq dat happens, are all pain.

aft dat no time go library, so go parade square line up liaos.
me & letitia talk bout smt.. its derh worst, dat we could ever have imagine.
you used us, to prevent you from getting into any harm. YOU USED US......

aft dat go bac class, CME. teacher come abit late. talk bout lots of thinqs.
in derh past past past, those guys, are really bastards.
those cruel thinqs they did, SUCK. luckily, they cant do it now liaos.

den is science. flamingo show us videos, which is ok lahs.
but i was sleepinq, too damm tired. too damm endurinq, too damm much..

dismiss liaos, go canteen buy a few sushi while letitia go return books,
den we go hg point. den she go home liaos.. & i am alone once aqain..
den i shop around, thinkinq wat to buy for letitia birthday.
& i decided to buy DAT for her present. :D was happy dat i make dat choice :D
den alr 40mins pass liaos. i use so much time thinkinq wat to buy letitia.
cos i loveeeeeeee letitia!!! xD LOL!

aft dat go bac skool, saw sofie, go 1e1 classrm. nobody there sia -.-
den going be 1.30 liaos. so we go out lorh, aft dat sofie wan go bac.
she wan study mahs, so i go swing there, see siti, den slack there lorhs.
called ying chui to come bac skool liaos, to make derh present for letitia.
nid make it nice mahs. :DD

but i felt very guilty lahs, to pon derh chinese remedial..
nvm, nxt time i wont pon liaos. no matter how alone i will be -.- xD
watever~ aft dat go home lerh lorhs.
tmr got band & letitia'a bbq :DD will be waitinq for tmr.
cos i know, only band & sectionals, could lift up my mood.
derh happiness in band, cant be found at home or at 1e2. D;
& btw, mayb tmr wil quite late late late post. cos go letitia's bbq~ :)

thinqs are going better or worse now??
somethinqs are going better, somethinqs are gettinq worse & weirder..
pls, i hope everythinq will go for derh better.. pls.

i dont know, is it jus my fault for how my life is?? is it?
i just know, i have to try keepinq my emotions to myself..
no matter how damm saddeninq it is.
i want to pour all of it out to some1. but i know, it will be too irritatinq.
& too much. cos i know, lots of saddeninq are in me, if i were to pour out,
it would jus be bout everythinq. every pain.

i dont want to affect anyone's day jus becos of me. so, i am gonna hide it :D
until derh day, where i am totally down. until dat day, i am bleedinq.
but i hope, i could endure. i hope, pain could jus disappear from my life.
but i know, it wont.. it will jus be with me forever.. until de day i die..

lonq post.. watever.. & sorry for my previous post, i sounded too harsh,
too rash, too unhappy.. i hope, i wont affect anyone :)
cos i jus want to type out.... at least i could confide to my bloq..
& endurinq... until derh day i cant..

okay, gonna stop here liaos. tmr is a busy day :D
buaix buaix!!! xD

i hope you were there, when i needed you.
but i know, you wont. cos i dont want you to know, the pain that is in me.
cause i know, if i tell, you would be affected by derh pain inside me..
so i preferred, keepinq it to myself.. but derh pain seems to be getting worse.
i hope i could endure derh sadness, i hope..
cause i know, whenever i am down, you will be affected too.

but i hope, even when you dont know how i am feelinq now,
you would jus at least care abit.. a tiny bit will do.
it will do at least abit of help to me.. esp when i am deep-down,
lyk how i am recently..

i would endure it.. i wont tell you. i want you to be happy :D
i hope, derh bad thinqs will stop soon. if not it will be pourinq out soon..
its getting much worse.. i hope, you would understand.
why derh way we are now, are getting further.
cause i dont want you to know derh pain i am feelinq rite now..