theres so much i wanted to say or type here.. too much..
but i dont know how, dont want to & will it be too much?
i gort so many thinqs in my head. so many thoughts. so many..
it jus lyk, my head is overload with it..
its burstinq.. so many thinqs.. unhappy thinqs..
arghs.. i hate it.. i hate tis feelinq :(

anyway, mayb tis post would be lonq.. sorry if it is den..
cos, i hate myself now.. damm, i seriously do..

today go skool~ line up, blah blah, jiu go bac class liaos.
chinese lesson, teacher tell us write compo, but i heck care~
readinq Fruits Basket :D dat books damm nice lahs~ comic derhs xD
but gort alot of episodes -.- so nice lahs, but cant get to read all of it..
lol.. den keep read lorhs~ aft dat is maths..
got my results.. get 25/50... almost failed.. wtf..
but i still nvr listen in class -.- bo mood..
den i finish derh Fruits Basket 6 episode liaos!! so nth more to read~
plus derh books derh story is damm sweet & funy lahs xD lol.
go bac to sleep aqain.. but i cant.. thx to cb 1e2.

aft dat is recess~ eat eat awhile liaos, jiu go library,
help letitia return books, den go borrow other episodes of Fruits Basket..
intendinq to buy derh whole set~ but.. gort 40++ episodes, & too ex -.-
so watever lorhs..

aft recess, go parade square line up.. feelinq even worse den.
go bac class, chinese aqain -.- watever lahs dat teacher~
continue derh Fruits Basket :D lalalalalas~
but so fast jiu literature liaos.. fuck.
dat fuckinq teacher.. cb teacher..

stupid fuckinq teacher. pls lahs, you dont understand den keep say say say.
wtf you wan? you cant expect them to be happy when they are not. WTF YOU WAN HAHS?
cb. tellinq me tis?
'i hate see-inq your stupid, gloomy & long-face. it makes me get irritated you know?'

WTF WOULD I CARE?? TELL ME LAHS. YOU DONT WAN SEE? DEN DONT SEE LAHS.
& jus by sayinq dat, it does shoot.. it does..
even though i know i wont care bout wat you said, but dat sentence.
it shoot, damm much.. you are jus beinq selfish lahs mrs tay..
you dont know wat other ppl are feelinq, yet you said dat..
arent you beinq too much?? you bitch.. only carinq about youself..
fucker bitch.. & thx to dat sentence, it really does shoot me lots..

no one wans to be dat way.. i dont wan to..
BUT CAN YOU STOP IT?? YOU CANT, YET YOU FUCKINGLY SAID IT.
BITCH, FUCK OFF. tmd. & finally, i know how cruel humans could be..

aft dat bitch 2 periods, is EL.. mr said nvr come.
so take out earpiece, continue readinq Fruits Basket, with a fckinq mood..
den derh cb 1e2, make noise until roslan come -.-
heng he nvr saw my earpiece, if not he would have confiscated it lerh bahs..
den aft dat, those fuckinq cb lanjiao ppl, are beinq worse lerh hurhs?
cant stop hurhs? so letitia went to told alston off~ lol..
& still, he & kelvin continued with their stupid fight of theirs.
jus becos of a small thinq? wtf.. & really, i am already going crazy,
yet they continued...
so i jus walked to their place, & i dont noe how.
but i jus noe, i shouted at them, with my whole effort and anger out.
everythinq, i use my whole bloody anger & shouted it out...
& aft shoutinq, i dont know why also..
i am tremblinq?? maybe i am going mad.. shoutinq out with my whole lungs & anger,
it was dat much.. until i could tremble dat way..
until it could affect me dat way...

aft skool, with a fuckinq mood went to band rm to put bags..
went to canteen to eat.. really chi bu xia -.-
watever.. but thx to letitia and ying chui, i felt a least of better.. :D
cos wat i nid, is relax.. but it doesnt seems so..
aft dat went for band~ fall iin, den go band rm set up thinqs..
sit there awhile, aft dat go derh third floor there.
take chairs & everythinq, strt practisinq liaos..

but my mind seems to be elsewhere when practisinq..
it seems lyk i felt dat i cant seems to play in derh music..
lyk i am derh extra one out in there, or lyk i dont wanna be in there..
i dont know why.. it seems lyk i am jus simply knocked out jus by dat sentence..
of wat mrs tay said..
it seems lyk, i am pathetic.. i dont know why..
but it feels lyk, am i not tryinq to be belonged?
& why cant my mind & mood be with derh music too?? it nvr happened b4.. it nvr..

jus lyk when we were practisinq, i only felt.. tired....
i only felt, nothinq... lyk i am completely lost.. completely nowhere..
i hate it.. i hate it loads. plus, wat one of you said when practisinq,
it makes it worse.. & from dat point, i know, i cant concentrate liaos..
cos i would only be thinkinq, i dont want to be lyk dat either..
i hate it.. i hate feelinq down.. i hate cant feelinq in derh music..
i hate tis cold feelinq.. i hate derh selfishness of ppl.. they suck..

but jus, am i beinq more selfish lerh mahs? am i jus.. bad??
i felt lyk dat so.. i cant control..
so much thinqs dat nid to be learned, to be controlled, to be experienced..
but it is too much? too much until it would overload,
until it would burst, sooner or ltr..

i keep feelinq pathetic.. i suck i suck i suck..
i dont wanna feel tis way.. maybe i should be alone.. for now..
cos i dont know why, jus today, it knocked me down, hard..
i gort much lots more thinqs to say.. alot.. damm lot..
until i cant rmb.. but i still do..
but i wont say.. maybe so.. cos its too much, really..
i could only keep it bahs.. i guess...

aft dat pract 'Somewhere In My Memory', scores keep flyinq~ lol xD
but i felt weird, seems lyk i could only play derh notes, not derh music.
lyk i am a complete outsider of dat sonq today...

aft dat pack up, go band rm. keep keep, jiu go atrium fall iin..
did 30 pumpinqs.. den jiu go home liaos.. tmr gonna have band aqain..
thurday have band also & music night..

i am seriously tired.. i have been endurinq, haven i?
i hope it would pass soon~ its damm tirinq..
& i am already knocked out mentally today, will i regain it once aqain?
i hope i will.. if not, those sonqs, will be wasted.. to me & by me..

gonna stop here.. buaix..
jus leave me alone.. cos if jus one thinq you said dat would shoot,
it will knocked me even worse.. no matter how..

& i know, it wont last..